You’ve Been Logged: Eric Hill

“WEST PALM BEACH — A former Boca Raton High School swim coach accused of inappropriately touching a teenage student pleaded guilty Thursday to simple battery, a misdemeanor.

Eric Hill, 42, will not have to do any jail time, and the guilty plea will not show on his record as a conviction because Circuit Judge Sheree Cunningham ordered adjudication withheld.

Hill will have to pay $675 in court and others costs. He was also ordered to perform 30 hours of community service, write a letter of apology to the victim and prove that he is no longer employed by the Palm Beach County School District…

Rudman said Hill chose to plead guilty because it meant escaping a conviction on his record and a desire “to put these allegations behind him so that he can move on with his life.” via Palm Beach Post.

Uhhhhhhhhhh ya think?

Get’s away with a decade plus of inappropriate actions (probably) with no jail time and a fine equal to 10 Brooklyn priced coffees. He’s probably skipping through his new undisclosed place of residence, blasting R Kelly, leaving a trail of candy that leads to his basement.

Personally, I’m stunned it’s taken this long for this bag of shit to get into trouble. I’ve seen a handful of articles appear on my Facebook feed over the past year about investigations and/or allegations, always littered in comments like “FINALLY” or “NO SHIT”, but never saw anything come out until now.

The Boca High courtyard at lunch was a fiasco. People running around everywhere. Literally a scene from 10 Thing I Hate About You. Thousands of students separated by interests, clubs, teams, background, music taste, and any other differentiator you can think of. It was the perfect storm for a creep like Hill, who you could have found lurking off to the side, flirting with a group of swim team members and their friends, promising to sign late slips for class and, apparently, butt grabbing.

It’s always less weird when it’s a male student with a female teacher.. Can’t explain it, it just is. I had between 2-1,000,000 friends/classmates do a little bit of sex with teachers while in high school, and those guys were sort of heralded. (I had a chance and was terrified. Wasn’t ready, guaranteed to embarrass myself. Decided to act like a mute in class for the last month of junior year, avoid all eye contact, and live all student-teacher related fantasies vicariously through Sir Johnny Sins. Still do, unfortunately.)

Generally, you’ll only hear about these situations on blogs (see: previous paragraph) or local news.

When it’s the reverse? YYYYYYYIKES.

I couldn’t even finish the R. Kelly documentary. I already spend most of my day cringing at jokes I’ve recently made/things I’ve done/looking in the mirror before I get in the shower and refuse to cringe anymore than I already cringe. Like, when 15 year old Aaliyah Shhhh‘s the Host’s interviewing her about her marriage to adult R Kelly after they asked Aaliyah how old she was, and R Kelly is sitting right next to her with this shit eating grin on his rapey face and a bank account as massive as the man that (hopefully) abuses him in prison. Gross.

r-kelly shh

Also, this is right after they talked about how Aaliyah has good grades in school and she balances it with her career and unmentioned predatory husband. I Wish, GONE! I Believe I Can Fly, GONE! Ignition Remix, GONE! What an asshole.

Anyway, the other underage cheek squeezer.

Aside from the confirmedbutprobably-2%-of-what-has-actually-happened-with-underage-girls-over-the-last-decade-assgrab, the thing that’s truly baffling is this asshole had the most outrageous bowl cut in 2008.

Like, this guys creep game had to be so strong and practiced to engage in conversation with any aged female with that haircut, even from an advantageous position of power. It was shaved to the skin on the sides and then full bowl cut, with a heavy middle part, that he sometimes wore in a man bun with those Oakley shades (see:below) with lenses that wrap around to year ear drums and are 500 different neon colors. He was a surfer version of Kenny Powers with touchy tendencies and none of the cool parts.

screen shot 2019-01-16 at 5.17.30 pm

He’s the size of a middle schooler, so maybe finding a woman of legal age is hard pressing? He’s a teacher/coach, and while the individuals who educate our youth should be paid 5X as much as they are, they aren’t, and money matters in Boca Raton. Throw in the bullshit he had on his head and you get a witches brew of pent up, hopeless hormones, ready to risk it all, coaching a couple dozen underage girls in spandex onesies.

“I understand that trouble seems to find me … even though it has always been unfounded and this one will be as well …” fuuuuuuck yooooouuuuu mannnnnn. You chose the job.. You sought the trouble, you invited it, you relished in it and let your tiny little hands roam wherever they pleased.

Look, he got a tough break. If I woke up and permanently looked like a 12 year old whose racist ex-con uncle took him fishing every weekend (I don’t. See: Mickey One Punch from Snatch), I wouldn’t have a clue where to begin in regards to sexual endeavors, but I know I wouldn’t start with the high school students that trust me.

At one of my jobs, we have a historical Log of all your wins and screw ups. I’m bringing it to blog form. Today, Eric Hill gets two negative entries for his crimes. One for his inexplicable, disgusting behavior around the students entrusted in him, and one for his haircut in 2008.

Sign your logs, Coach Hill.

 

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