The NHL is Soft.

Yeah so NHL Players fly around the ice at speeds of 15-22 mph, and sure, they crash into each other sometimes, and don’t forget the fights or a hockey fan will drop from the ceiling and remind you. I’ll even admit there are aspects of hockey that are tough and gritty, I mean, just look at all the guys missing teeth. Woah. Sometimes they even play after they lose the tooth! *shivers*

There’s a narrative that maybe only I’m aware of, that The NHL and Hockey itself, is a tougher league and sport than The NBA and basketball.

NHL Players are allowed a heightened level of physicality on the playing field that NBA Player’s would get suspended for. Fine.

You know what else is true? This list of things they wear while they player their respective sports.

NHL Player – Helmet, Shoulder Pads/Chest Protector, elbow pads, mouth guard, protective gloves, HEAVILY PADDED SHORTS, a jock&cup to protect the fellas, shin pads, Ice Skates.

I mean, is this guy playing a sport or is he defusing bombs in Iraq?

NBA Player – Nike Uniform, Shoes, Socks.

No pads. Weird.

While that little tidbit and accompanying photo’s is fresh on your mind, what if I told you that NBA players move at similar speeds, and are not 6 foot 190 lbs like your average “Chad” at Kappa Sig and ARE NOT COVERED IN PADS HEAD TO TOE (THERE’S A HELMET TOO FFS) but they are  6’7″ 230 lbs.

I got some bad news, it’s true.

They’re gonna yell at me for pointing that out.

Did you see him get “slashed” with that stick? First of all, he got “hit” with the stick, lets not make things any more overdramatic than they already are. Second, they’re covered in pads.

They check each other into the walls! Covered in Pads

Open ice hits! Covered in Pads

One of the players slid in front of a puck for the sake of the team! All he has to do is turn his face away and he’ll be fine, because he’s covered in pads.

Strip that NHL guy of his pads and let him slide in front of a superhuman freight train like Lebron on a fast break. These NHL guys would disappear one by one into oblivion.

Before hockey fans reading this get all frazzled that it’s been 366 words since I’ve mentioned The Fights. NHL players can fight, we don’t talk about that enough. Those big bad brawls where they latch onto each other’s jersey like a pitbull with one hand and throw aimless haymakers at each other’s helmeted heads while their feet flail around the ice as they try to keep their balance. Treacherous stuff.

NBA players don’t fight because they’re not dressed like the Michelin Man on skates ready for impact from all angles. Imagine if they allowed Tristan Thompson and Draymond Green to fight at mid court. It would look like a Michael Bay Transformers scene.

Don’t even get me started on the shift lengths. According to my good friends at HockeyGiant.com, the average shift for an NHL player is 45 seconds lol. That isn’t even a full offensive and defensive possession on a basketball court. What a joke.

Listen, any sporting event where the crowd could be mistaken for a Rascall Flatt’s Concert IS NOT something I want to be watching.

I gotta go to work, I can’t sit around and beat this dead argument into the ground. The NHL stinks, except for when they redirect shots, that’s impossible and I’ll never understand how they do that.