Actual Bull Storms Actual China Shop

” The animal had escaped from a nearby slaughterhouse in Jiangsu Province, and targeted a woman walking down the street in a red dress.

She desperately tried to escape by running into a small restaurant, but the animal followed and attacked her and a waiter working in the eatery.

Dramatic CCTV footage captured the rampaging buffalo’s bid for freedom and it launched itself into the tiny room and pinned the woman to the floor.” via Daily Mail

This stuff always confuses the shit out of me. How do really big animals escape facilities? Never understood zoo breakouts and certainly will not ever comprehend how a bull, with hooves and none thumbs, escapes a building designed to hold animals unless somebody released it or it ran through an actual wall. Regardless, this lady gets smoked.

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All individuals, human and beast, included in this video, lost.

First, at least one person is fired from that slaughterhouse. You don’t just accidentally let a 2,000 lb with a genetic proclivity for running down human’s, minutes from being flipped for profit, escape from it’s death row cell, stampede some woman into-Bolivian, and show up for work the next day to punch in like nothing happened. Maybe it does, I don’t know how things work in China, but something tells me the country that executes female babies (myth?) also doesn’t take Bull escapes lightly.

The woman. I’m shaking my head and laughing. Not because her getting hit with the fury of 100 Ray Lewis’s is funny. It’s not. It’s the idea of coming home from work, looking at your significant other, who see’s something is amiss, asks what happened, and saying “a bull condemned for death escaped and since I wore this red dress you got me last year it chased me through an alley and into a restaurant where it Goldberg speared me into the a metal cabinet while some guy did his taxes. It wasn’t great. How was your day?” That’s the funny part.

The second I read that the bull was an escaped convict he immediately, in my head, Animorphed into Andy Dufresne. I wanted to read about the bull wearing floral short sleeve button down, no buttons buttoned, shirt tail blowing in the wind, drinking Muay Thai’s somewhere on a beach in a country with no extradition. The video ends with hope in sight, as the Bull makes for a second escape.

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9 sentences later, I read the bull is dead. I’m upset about it. It’s everyones fault but the bull, and again, in a country that’s known in movies for ritual suicide via sword through the stomach for common indiscretions that bring dishonor to the family name, the bull being the only one who dies in the end seems unfair.

People always say “take the bull by the horns” and this woman did nothing of the sort, a decision that turned the hero of our story into 1,000,000 Big Mac patties.

PS,,,,,,The article says that is a buffalo, but it looks like a bull, so I went with bull. Also, the vendor sells food and not china, but the shop is of Chinese decent, so I called it a China Shop, as in a shop of China. Nobody clicks a blog called “buffalo runs into restaurant”.


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